Why Am I Here Just Wasting My Time

Default – Wasting My Time Lyrics

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I don’t want to see you waiting
I’ve already gone too far away
I still can’t keep the day from ending
No more messed up reasons for me to stay

Well this is
Not for real, afraid to feel
I just hit the floor, don’t ask for more
I’m wasting my time
I’ve wasted my time
You can’t
Stop the feeling, there is no reason
Just make the call and take it all again
Whoa-oh again

Months went by with us pretending
When did our light turn from green to red?
I took a chance and left you standing
Lost the will to do this once again

Well this is
Not for real, afraid to feel
I just hit the floor, don’t ask for more
I’m wasting my time
I’ve wasted my time
You can’t
Stop the feeling, there is no reason
Just make the call and take it all
I’m wasting my time
I’ve wasted my time again
Whoa-oh again

I see you waiting
Look so lonely
I see you waiting
I see you waiting

Well this is
Not for real, afraid to feel
I just hit the floor, don’t ask for more
I’m wasting my time
I’ve wasted my time
You can’t
Stop the feeling, there is no reason
Just make the call and take it all
I’m wasting my time
I’ve wasted my – well this is

Not for real, afraid to feel
I just hit the floor, don’t ask for more
I’ve wasted my time
I’ve wasted my time
You can’t
Stop the feeling, there is no reason
Just make the call and take it all again
Whoa-oh again

When You Feel Purposeless and Fear You’re Wasting Time

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

George Bernard Shaw

I wanted a guarantee.

I wanted to know for sure that if I tried to do something, I would like it; if I devoted my limited time to it, I’d end up somewhere good.

I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I felt certain this was a phenomenal failing—because if you don’t know right now what you need to do to make your life count, life will pass you by before you’ve ever had a chance to do something meaningful or valuable. At least, that’s what I thought back then.

So I sat around thinking, analyzing, trying to identify something big enough or good enough, terrified that maybe I’d spend the rest of my days feeling purposeless, useless, on the fringe; doing the same thing in my professional life as I’d always done in my personal life: feeling like I was on the outside looking in.

When you’re sitting amid a vast expanse of possibilities, in the pressure cooker of expectations and impatience, it can feel almost paralyzing.

What step do you take when you have a hunch but no solid sense of direction? If it’s only a hunch, then maybe it’s the wrong direction.

And what if you go in the wrong direction? Then you will have wasted time, and time is finite. And everyone else is so far ahead. Everyone else seems happy and successful. Everyone else is climbing the ladder, earning more money, making a difference, mattering.

What if you never matter? What if you never do anything important? And worst of all, what if you never have more than a hunch about what’s important to you?

What if you never feel a spark, a purpose, that elusive “why” that so many people write about?

What if you never care about anything so strongly that it becomes the bliss you have to follow?

Sitting in the Times Square Internet café over a decade ago, searching Craigslist for jobs and gigs, I felt a sense of panic and urgency. I needed to figure it out, and fast.

I was blinded by the fear of never finding what I was looking for, and that made the looking awfully ineffective.

I thought there was something wrong with me for being so uncertain, so resistant, so unable to identify and commit to any path.

In retrospect, I see there was nothing wrong with me, or where I was in life. And there was nothing wrong with living in the maybe, looking for new possibilities.

I wasn’t ineffective because I didn’t yet feel a strong internal pull. I was ineffective because I consistently marinated my brain in anxious, self-judging thoughts.

My biggest obstacle wasn’t that I felt lost; it was that I felt I shouldn’t be. I felt I should have known, right then, not only what I wanted to do but also how I was going to do it.

Because without knowing those two things, I felt adrift and incredibly out of control. How can you let yourself ease into the moment if you can’t be sure it’s leading to a better one?

If I were to walk into that Internet café and approach my younger self, she would probably ignore me, immersed as she was in her frantic searching.

But if I somehow had the power to command her attention, I’d tell her a few things that maybe, just maybe, could relieve her constant worrying and provide both peace of mind and focus.

You’ll never be effective if you’re convinced tomorrow needs to be better than today, because this belief stems from resistance to the present—and the present is where your power lies.

If you’re looking for purpose from a place of inadequacy, you will likely be too overwhelmed by the need to do something big, that matters to the world at large, to identify what matters to you personally and start taking tiny steps toward it.

Instead of looking for a guarantee that tomorrow will be valuable, know that today is valuable—that you’re not wasting time because you don’t yet feel a sense of purpose. You’re using time well by starting (or continuing) the process of discovering it.

There’s simply no shortcut to “figuring things out”—for anyone. Instead of being hard on yourself for not having clarity, be proud of yourself for moving forward on a foggy road when you could easily find a cloudless, well-beaten path to follow…to certain dissatisfaction.

There’s no set timeframe for doing anything.

You truly can do things in your own time without having to worry about being “behind.” Sometimes it’s the things we do that feel like “stalling” or “getting off track” that end up being the most helpful for our growth.

And besides, what story will be more interesting to flash before your eyes in the end: one that unfolded in ways you never expected, with unique twists and turns; or, one that followed a specific, predetermined timeline with predictable steps from milestone to milestone?

The best way to find direction is to trust your instincts instead of forcing yourself to do things because you think you “should.”

Your intuition is a powerful compass, and even if you think you aren’t making progress, if you’re following your instincts, you are.

There are always going to be opportunities that look good on paper, and that little, scared voice within may tell you that your life will only matter if you take them.

Other people may also tell you this, if not directly, indirectly; or, you may assume they’re thinking this, when really, they’re too immersed in their own confusing journey to pass judgment on yours for long.

But sometimes the best opportunities are the ones you don’t take, leaving yourself open for choices that better align with your own values and priorities.

I know this may sound as impossible as growing another lung, but try not to worry so much about what other people might think. They may have expectations, but they aren’t living inside your mind, or feeling your instincts.

The only one who can make wise decisions for you is you. And even if it makes you feel anxious at times, you will eventually thank yourself for being brave enough to follow your heart, not someone else’s head.

When it comes to creating purpose, there truly is no “wrong” decision.

You may think you only have one purpose and that you need to push yourself to find it. And you can continue thinking this, if you’re okay with feeling chronically pressured and scared.

Or, instead of aiming to discover the one thing you’re supposed to do with your life, you could focus on discovering the one thing you want to try right now, knowing that you can change direction any time. And that changing direction won’t be something to be ashamed of; it won’t mean you failed at discovering your purpose before. It will mean you had one purpose then, and now your purpose has evolved.

It will mean you’re brave enough to let yourself evolve, repeatedly undertaking the sometimes terrifying process of discovering what else you can do.

Maybe that in itself can be a purpose—to live life in that vulnerable, uncertain place where you’re not boxed into one way of being; unencumbered by the need to define yourself and your place in the world; free to roam when it would feel much safer to tether yourself to one role.

Ten years ago I thought I was a failure because I hadn’t done anything that felt important. I now know it was all important, and not just because it brought me to this site.

All those steps were important because those steps were my life. And my life is valuable and worth enjoying regardless of what I do professionally.

Ironically, adopting this mindset makes it so much easier to create meaning in life, because suddenly it’s not about what you have to do. It’s about what you want to do. It’s about where your heart’s pulling you in this moment.

And that’s what it means to find direction—to follow those pulls, without a guarantee, knowing that the goal isn’t to end up somewhere good but to learn to recognize the good in this very moment.

This moment isn’t merely the bridge to where you want to be. This moment—this crucial part of the process—is a destination in itself, and now is your only opportunity to appreciate it, and appreciate yourself for living it.

Why am i here just wasting my time

I’m 25 years old.
I struggle with depression, anxiety and some physical issues (Chronic Fatigue will simplify it, so let’s say I have that).

For years I’ve been into Music – writing my own songs and that.

But I really lack self-belief and I don’t have many friends.
I put things out there, online but rarely get feedback.
And to be honest, my ego takes a hit and I beat myself up for even trying in the first place.

Because maybe I’m wasting my time on something that won’t ever benefit me.
Maybe I should stop dreaming and become an adult.

But then, I hate being a stereotypical adult.
I don’t have kids right now, but I see adult life as revolving around children and anyone but you.
I’m not willing to give up my life to become who I’m not but I’m really struggling to find my place in this World.

I can’t say how I’ll ever make a living from something I enjoy.

Basically, can you listen to one of my songs and just be honest?
Am I actually any good? Or should I face up to the fact that there are better, more talented people out there?

Also, how do I get self-belief without relying on others to feed me positive feedback?
Because clearly, that isn’t working.

I think your music is fine. Keep at it, and don’t worry about the response (or lack) from the internet. If you like making music, then you are not wasting your time.

I wasn’t able to listen to your music but then I wouldn’t be able to tell you if your music is good. You will probably vomit if I tell you what old music I like- okay, why not, I will tell you. One song I like is To Dream the Impossible Dream. I also like the 60s and 70s music, and I am 54, so my opinion of a 25 year old dude’s music doesn’t count.

See my comment to you on the other thread. I do hope you find a way to feel better.

MAYBE this will make you feel better, from The Impossible Dream

“To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest, to follow that star,
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right without question or cause
To be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause

And I know if I’ll only be true to this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To fight the unbeatable foe, to reach the unreachable star:

What do you think of this, Dude?

I am 21 so my opinion on your music is relevant I guess. I also guess you want for me totally honest so that is what I will be.
I think you have some very real talent. I like your style very much. I love the melody. What I dont like so much is the way I hear your voice. It is like you are singing in a cave or something. I cant really put my finger on it. I dont know if that is intentional or if it is a microphone issue but I would like for your voice to be more crisp. Just my opinion. Overall a very good song. I actually listened to it more than once and in the end I just decided to download it and save my browser some trouble.

Good luck with your dreams. You should hold on to them.
Matic

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Matic.

I think the music is fine. I would pay $$ though to upgrade the sound quality. A recording studio or a better recording studio?

So I have this talk with visual artists, but it’s kind of the same. Everyone wants to be a famous (or at least paid) artist. Then there is the Artist Life. The writing of songs/creating pictures. Holding shows. Getting equipment. Talking to other artists. Being in the studio. Teaching classes. Now, 9/10 nothing will come of it, and in fact, your art will cost you. But we keep doing what gives us joy: Making Songs and Art!! It’s OK to get a 9 to 5 job because then you get to have money to support your art!!

The other stuff: Chronic Fatigue, Depression, Anxiety. Get Holistic Health books on how to treat it. Follow the advice. If that fails, go to a regular doctor for drugs.

Thanks so much for the feedback you guys.

I still find it difficult to get the effect on the vocals quite right.
It doesn’t sound great without any edits, but then I usually add too much reverb (though I’m quite a fan of reverb).

That track was actually done 7 months ago and I only did the vocals and lyrics (it was a collab).

I think the vocals are edited better, but I’d love to hang around a studio if I had the money and knew what I was doing.

I like that I can spend as much time as I like editing at home… I’m introverted so like my space and privacy.

I thought that song was rather good – I would definitely want to hear more of your songs. I really liked the echoey nature of the vocals.

I guess I’m in a similar kind of situation, although I’m more of a visual artist/illustrator than a musician. I’m about to launch my own online business selling hand-made crafts, artwork, prints, you name it, as well as maybe trying to score some freelance illustration gigs because I just haven’t had any luck whatsoever securing paid employment since graduation last year.

I am well aware it’s not going to be easy, and I too am having massive doubts right now, but I have to keep reminding myself that if I don’t try to have a go at this, I’ll never know. I also have to tell myself that whether or not I succeed isn’t important at this stage, what is important that I just try.

Don’t give up – you should carry on doing the things you love.

Hope this helps

It’s cool you’re going for it.
Of course, it’s only natural you will have some fear.

I expect you’ll have fun trying, and if you keep pushing you will get somewhere.

The topic of your thread is “Am I just wasting my time?” I am now ready to give you my answer:

Depending on your goal:

If your goal is to be rich and famous based on your talent as a musician, your chances are slim, very small. Your chances are very small whether you have talent or not so I don’t need to listen to your recordings to know that.

If your goal is to make an adequate living out of being a musician, pay for necessities of shelter, food, health, at the least, then your chances are higher but still very small. Here I am assuming your talent is not exceptional (based on others’ responses here after hearing you and based on the lack of online feedback you attest to (“I put things out there, online but rarely get feedback.”)

If your goal is to have fun, then as long as you are having fun creating music, you are not wasting your time. If your goal is to improve your performance as a musician, then you are not wasting your time because I am sure you can improve.

If your goal… etc. etc. Depending on your goal.

You have a position on having children and I encourage you to honor it and not have children.

Depending on your goals. Just because society is based on the socially accepted and admired goal of improving one’s standard of living, that is buying things, owning things, it doesn’t mean you have to submit to it. Not at all. You decide what your values are, that is, what is important to you and then you look at what is and what you can do about it.

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